Category Archives: Celebrity

The Feminist Supremacy? The Feminist Supremacy!

This post is dedicated to the wanker who got in front of the mic at The Feminist Supremacy? on Saturday night and, instead of asking an intelligent question of the intelligent women on stage, demanded that one retract her opinion simply because he disagreed with it. I’ll deal with his comment later.

But first, feminists! At the Town Hall! With vagina-flashing! That last bit was me. And also my friend. And quite a few other women. Note to Sydney Town Hall people: you should fix the locks on the toilet doors. You know, so they actually do the one thing they’re supposed to do.

This isn’t a review post of The Feminist Supremacy. It’s a ‘further discussion’ post. Like book club, but without the book. (I’ve never been in a book club, so I’m just talking out of my arse here.)

One of the questions Julia Baird put to Kathy Lette, Catherine Deveny, Emily Maguire and Tara Moss was whether we needed a new word to replace “feminism”. I don’t think we do. The word is filled with the history of a global push for social, economic and political rights for women, so why the hell would we change it? Tara Moss said she prefers the word “humanist” and I get that, because it’s about treating all humans with respect. [Update: I got this bit wrong. Moss said "feminism is humanism". See her comment below.] But abandoning the word “feminist” would say to those who demonise people for wanting women and men to have the same rights and opportunities, “you win, we give up”. And what do you think will happen to the next word we use?

So when someone says, “I’m not a feminist but [says something feminist]“, point out that if they believe women should be able to earn their own income, drive a car, get an education, own property, not be someone’s property, then they are a feminist and should be proud of that. Because what kind of arsehole is against women being treated like humans?

Another question Baird put to the cliterati – I felt that Lette favoured pun over substance, but that one I enjoyed – was about Western feminists being criticised for being concerned with Western feminist issues. To me, that this question is taken seriously is proof of how successful conservatives like Paul Sheehan and Janet Albrechtsen and Miranda Devine have been at attacking feminism. (Never mind the fact that Albrechtsen and Devine have feminism to thank for people actually giving a shit about their lady thoughts. They know that, of course, but it doesn’t suit them to acknowledge it.)

Firstly, demanding that Western feminists speak for feminists in other countries is like demanding that Julia Gillard speak for Joyce Banda. Malawi’s President has her own voice and it’s insulting to suggest that she needs a Western PM to speak for her. Just because the work of feminists in other countries isn’t common knowledge in Australia doesn’t mean it’s not happening. On top of that, the mainstream media only has room for a few feminist voices at a time and journalists tend to always use the same people for quotes, so the public view of Australian feminism is not at all representative of feminist work in Australia. Besides, the whole thing reeks of “women in other countries have it much worse so you should thank your lucky stars and shut the hell up with your whining”.

And now to the man in the audience who wanted Kathy Lette to retract her comment that men tend to say they are feminists in order to get a more intelligent root. It takes a particular type of arrogance to demand that someone withdraw their opinion simply because you happen to disagree with it. Now, despite some of the male psych/arts undergrads I met in the 90s, I don’t happen to agree with Lette on this point. But that doesn’t mean one of us is right and one of us is wrong. We’re talking about opinions here. And since she cracked jokes the whole way through, it’s possible that this was simply another throwaway funny. I wondered if this is what happened with Feminist Dad a few weeks ago, and I don’t believe it is. One is a man telling a woman that she must remove her opinion because he doesn’t agree with it; the other was a few men saying they disagreed with a woman and explaining their reasons why. The issue was discussed and we arrived at a point of general agreement. (Phew. I think I’m safe with that logic.)

Mr Opinion Retractor then went on to complain that political correctness was ruining free speech. In my experience – and was pointed out by Deveny – people who complain about political correctness are just pissed off that when they use someone’s gender/race/sexuality/disability/religion as an insult, someone tells them what a dickhead they’re being. My heart bleeds for all those poor, oppressed people who have to hesitate before using the word “poofter” to put someone down.

In January, I wrote that if you’d told me over Christmas lunch that 2012 would start with several weeks of public discussion about feminism, I’d have politely asked if you were on crack. It’s now May and the public discussion is still going. As Nadine Von Cohen would say, FUCK YEAH.

In Lara Bingle vs the MSM, I am on Team Lara

The 697 people (so far) who’ve found my blog in the last 24 hours searching for “Lara Bingle nude on balcony” alerted me to the fact that someone has taken a photo of Lara Bingle nude on a balcony and told the MSM in order to drum up interest in the photo. I’m quick like that. It’s a shame the MSM isn’t so quick to realise how they’re being used, but why should entertainment reporters be any different to political reporters?

I’m going to pick on News.com.au because their story is the most ridiculous: Lara Bingle feels ‘violated’ by nude photos, by Chris Paine and Owen Vaughan. And no, I have no idea how it took two journalists to write 505 words about their Google searches, with just a single interview that resulted in one sentence making it into the story. Two journalists!

First, let me show you the bullet points at the start of the story. This will be important later:

News.com.au bullet points

The bullet points on the News.com.au Lara Bingle story.

And now the story:

LARA Bingle says she feels “violated” and “emabarrassed” by paparazzi photos of her naked on her balcony.

I’m embarrassed that neither journalist can spell “embarrassed”. But picking on typos is unfair, when there’s so much more to pick on about this story. Did I mention it took two journalists to write it?

I’d also like to point out that the photos aren’t of Lara Bingle on the balcony. She was inside her home and closing the balcony door. INSIDE HER HOME. The photos were first aired on A Current Affair (Channel 9) last night. Which means that no one in charge at ACA and no one in charge at News.com.au is bothered by the fact that it is a massive invasion of your privacy to have someone take photos of you inside your own home. Is that the kind of “journalism” they support? How many steps do you reckon it is from publishing photos of someone inside their home to hacking someone’s phone?

It is the fourth nude photo scandal to beset Bingle, and it has left her clearly upset.

Despite reporting that Bingle is “clearly upset” about these photos being plastered across news sites – as anyone would be – News.com.au is still running the photos and the story nice and large on the website. News Ltd sites love nothing more than sticking the boot into Lara Bingle while simultaneously using her as clickbait.

But what are these four nude photo scandals?

Photos of her topless in a field, taken seven years ago, appeared on websites in 2007.

You mean photos that were taken when she was possibly underaged and then sold overseas by the photographer and published in German GQ magazine and it would have gone unnoticed if it wasn’t for the MSM yelling “CLICK HERE TO SEE NUDE BINGLE BOOBIES!”. It says a lot about the MSM’s attitude towards Lara Bingle that the person who made money from selling the photographs is believed, but the person in the photos is not.

A mobile-phone snap of her in a shower, allegedly taken by her then lover, former AFL player Brendan Fevola, when they had a brief fling in 2006, was first published in 2010. Those pics contributed to the breakdown of her relationship with cricketer Michael Clarke, to whom she was engaged.

A photo that News.com.au gleefully ran across their homepage ALL DAY. A photo that any idiot could see Bingle had not consented to. A photo that Fevola reportedly showed to all his mates and a bunch of sports journos, and despite him being married, the journos portrayed it as her scandal, not his. You tell me, what’s more scandalous: a young woman in a nude photo she doesn’t want taken, or a married man taking a nude photo of a woman without her consent and then showing it to his workmates and the media. It’s pretty embarrassing for journalists that they can’t even get the scandal right.

Sources said a different set of photos showing the bikini model sunbathing topless on Bondi Beach were offered to magazines several weeks ago, though apparently there were no takers.

“Sources said”? I call bullshit. That just sounds like someone wanting to have a go at her.

And now, wait for it… the single quote that it took two journalists to get:

“She’s really upset and embarrased about this invasion of privacy,” she told news.com.au.

That was really worth the wait, wasn’t it? Two journalists! And they still can’t spell “embarrassed”. (I really hope there are no typos in this post…)

While Bingle is believed to be upset about the most recent shots, the drama surrounding their taking and attempted sale will only focus more attention on her reality show, which is being made for Channel 10.

Remember those bullet points?

But some claim the whole thing is a stunt

With no reference to ANYONE who may be making that claim, we can only assume that it’s Paine or Vaughan making that claim. It’s not really journalism is it, to report your opinion as though it’s someone else’s?

Sure, it could be a stunt. But without a single piece of evidence in this story indicating that it could be a stunt, I’m inclined to believe that it’s just the journos making it up.

Whatever you do, don’t read the comments. Remember, these are the ones that a journalist read and thought “yes, that’s fine to publish”.

Like this one:
Brett of Perth Posted at 2:13 PM Today
Who hasn’t seen it all before anyway and if Fevola didnt want it, how hot can it be?

Clearly hot enough for Brett of Perth to click on the story in order to see naked photos of her. How stupid can Brett of Perth be?

Update May 14: Still don’t think News Ltd websites use the words “Lara Bingle nude” to increase traffic? Check out the links at the bottom of yesterday’s story. These links were manually added by a journalist:

Links in Daily Telegraph's Lara Bingle story

Dailytelegraph.com.au demonstrates just how much they rely on Lara Bingle for traffic

How to be a good female celebrity in the first half of 2012

Ok, ok, I’m going to do it. I’m going to blog about Samantha Brick.

Well, sort of.

I don’t have a lot to say about Samantha Brick’s article, other than to say there will always be people who don’t like you. Sometimes it’s because they’re stupid jerks. Sometimes it’s because you’re a stupid jerk. But if you assume that it’s always because they’re jealous of your face, then you’re showing the lack of self-awareness that’s probably the reason they don’t like you in the first place. I reckon it was a calculated move to increase her pop culture status and get better print/tv gigs and I reckon it worked.

But this post isn’t really about Samantha Brick, in the same way that Natalie Reilly’s article – What Sofia Vergara can teach Samantha Brick – isn’t really about Samantha Brick. It’s about good celebrities and bad celebrities and being naive about how they play the media.

Reilly says some good stuff:

Society has a skewed, broken system too, according you with status if you are beautiful. But you must tread lightly around discussion of your own appearance or you will summon forth collective inadequacy. And that inadequacy is felt deeper by women, who are socialised to believe that their looks are one of the most valuable things – if not the most valuable thing – about them. So what do we do with that inadequacy? We plug it into righteous condemnation and contempt for the woman who dares to elevate herself, because beauty, being that it is subjective, will always allow us to say – uh, honey? You’re not all that.

But that’s as far as she goes into how Western society pressures women to constantly make sure they look pleasing to other people. She also appears to not see the link between this socialisation and how it creates the inadequacy, condemnation and contempt that she’s writing about (cough, patriarchy, cough).

Leaving aside the pointless mentions of the US Republican presidential candidate race – yeah, we get it, you read more than just celebrity news – the rest is an (unintentionally) funny look at the way people buy into celebrity culture. Celebrities are people whose jobs require them to pretend to be open with reporters, who in turn don’t seem to realise they’re being told the same story by everyone. Or perhaps they do, but their editors demand a story because they promised one to the celebrity’s publicist and so the journo has to cobble together something vaguely newish from what the celebrity said. And that’s not an easy thing to do.

Anyway, according to Reilly, the good celebrities – those who say the things we currently want them to say – are Sophie Vergara, Natalie Portman, Charlize Theron. We know they know they’re beautiful, and we know they know that opens doors for them because they’ve told us so. The bad celebrities – those who say they were ugly ducklings because until recently, that’s what we wanted them to say, and because they didn’t get that memo we’ll now roll our eyes when they say that – are Angelina Jolie, Jon Hamm, Jennifer Aniston, Cindy Crawford. Crawford gets dismissed for daring to mention her life outside of modelling:

She doesn’t try to prove she’s more than just “a pretty face” by humble bragging she studied chemical engineering like Cindy Crawford.

How DARE Crawford try to talk to a journalist about something other than her face. The nerve of some people.

But Vergara is unique in that she doesn’t take her appearance as seriously. At last year’s Emmy Awards, after noticing the way people were looking at her, volunteered “Do you want to talk about my figure? Because I love talking about my figure”. By talking about it openly –as if it were a dress – she effectively distanced herself from it. In doing so she created a new way to talk about beauty – because, judging by the current narrative, we need it.

Um, what? I don’t want to humbly brag by saying that I have a BSc, MA, and am doing a doctorate, but that just doesn’t make sense. How is talking about your conforms-to-current-mainstream-beauty-ideals body to celebrity reporters who only ever ask you about your body, creating a “new way to talk about beauty”?

Last November Angelina Jolie was interviewed on 60 Minutes and asked “When did you first realise you were beautiful?” It’s a leading but fair question for the person whose face is now the gold standard by which mainstream beauty is currently measured.

Gold standard, really? As Reilly herself says, beauty is subjective. Also, what makes Reilly so sure that people she thinks are beautiful don’t look in the mirror and see things they think are “flaws”, just like many of us do? They live in the same highly-airbrushed culture we do – a culture that airbrushes photos of them because they’re not beautiful enough.

Jolie’s reply? “I never really think of beauty that way … I always felt …not traditionally beautiful.”

For the first time during the interview, her head is down, her brow appears furrowed. How can this woman, whose potent sexuality is inextricably tied to her appearance, deny what is patently obvious?

May I submit she is lying? Because one only need look at her makeup, her line-free face, her dyed hair to see that looks matter to her. They matter very much. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that.

May I submit that it’s part of Jolie’s job to always look beautiful/hot/fuckable when she’s in public? May I submit that just because a woman wears makeup and dyes her hair, it doesn’t follow that she thinks she’s traditionally beautiful? May I also submit that Jolie is an actor and so the head down, furrowed brow bit could be acting because she knows that’s what the interviewer and the audience want from her? Jolie is playing the celebrity game and Reilly has fallen for it.

But if Jolie admits to her beauty she will alienate her audience. After all, the celebrity system will not allow a “pretty face” to make movies about Bosnia, any more than the US political system will allow a poor man to be president. But a responsible humanitarian who just happens to be beautiful without knowing it? Now, that’s a highly marketable brand.

What a load of rubbish. The celebrity system allows beautiful people to do whatever the fuck they want. Even if they’re not up to date about what we want them to say to us.

I need your help

Ok internet, I need some help with this one. In the 80s my parents had a timeshare in Coffs Harbour (Nautilus Resort) and we’d send my older brother to the front desk to request movies that we’d never be allowed to watch if our parents saw the covers. The movies would play on all tvs in the resort at the same time. That bit’s not really important.

Anyway, there was this movie about two best friends. Weren’t all movies in the 80s about two best friends? One of the teenagers has just been given the same sensible bob haircut that her posh mother has. Daughter is very unimpressed. Mum is saying how adorable she looks. Hairdresser says she’s as cute as a button. And daughter replies, “who’d want to fuck a button?”.

She then goes home and cuts her hair into spikes and then goes to the fair with her friend and they go on the rollercoaster and we get to see boobs and they pash boys and have loads of fun.

Does anyone know the name of this film? Because I feel a little bit that way about my new haircut. Wild Mane of Fun has been replaced by Sensible Bob and I DIDN’T ASK FOR THAT.

But I do really want to know the name of this film.

Madonna, never put it away – unless you want to

Oh goody, we have another prominent Australian feminist telling another woman what she can and cannot wear. Didn’t we do this last week?

The front cover of today’s Sunday Life features the question:

“… is it time for Madonna to hang up her hotpants?”

The answer, OF COURSE, is “only if she wants to”. But you won’t find that in the magazine.

The intro to the Madonna article is full of age-shaming:

“ON WHICH SIDE DO YOU SIT IN THE GREAT MADONNA DEBATE? SHOULD SHE KEEP REINVENTING HERSELF OR RETIRE GRACEFULLY?”

I’m sitting on the side with the third option: MADONNA SHOULD DO WHATEVER THE HELL SHE WANTS TO DO.

Besides, we all know that “retire gracefully” means “become invisible so we don’t have to see old people enjoying themselves in public and WORSE, have to look at their bodies”.

Helen Barlow’s article is pretty meh, but it’s Julia Baird’s piece that really gets my fuck-being-age-appropriate goat. Starting with “Remember Madonna’s stomach, back in the 1980s?“… blah blah blah she used to be hot three decades ago when she was young… “Now when I think of her, I think of her arms. Her taut, muscled biceps, alarmingly free of padding” – ooh, careful there Judgey McBaird – “are perfect symbols of her determination“. Really? I think they look like arms. Arms that do a lot of exercise. Arms that are symbols of arms.

“She works very, very hard – and this is why she has endured.

But, now, this hard work is deflating as well as inspiring. She might not have cared about what people thought of her sexually, but she obviously cares what people think of her physically.”

And you know this how, exactly? Did she tell you this, or are you just projecting your own shit onto her? Because it sounds a lot like you’re saying that anyone who works out is doing it so others have something nice to look at.

Baird then goes on to write some nonsense about how Madonna works out because she doesn’t like herself, and that as women age they should be able to let themselves go.

But this bit had me laughing my arse off:

“Madonna taught us to face fears: of the consequences of blooming sexuality, independence, anger, eccentricity and unconventionality. Of being women who don’t do as they are told.”

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA BAIRD WROTE THAT IN AN ARTICLE TELLING MADONNA WHAT TO DO.

“Madonna may be telling us that middle-aged women should not become invisible, inaudible or afraid to be alone, which is, of course, good – but she makes it seem like you have to look a certain way to do so.”

I call bullshit. Madonna has always looked a “certain way” – ie, sexy. Why on earth should she stop looking sexy, cover herself up in grey cardigans as Baird wants, just because she’s over 50? Because the thing is, it’s pretty fucking obvious that you don’t have to have Madonna’s look to be sexy in public: Helen Mirren, Sophia Loren, Roseanne Barr, Julianne Moore, Michelle Pfeiffer, Susan Sarandon, Diane Keaton, Meryl Streep, Isabella Rossellini, Jane Lynch, Kim Cattrall… Sure, these women were sexy before they were 50, so rant about beauty standards, rant about the entertainment industry, rant about how popular culture believes that women over 50 who are not attractive actresses should be invisible, but let’s not pretend that telling Madonna to “put it away” – to become invisible – is an intelligent contribution to anything.

“She recently told Naomi Wolf in Harper’s Bazaar that what was more important was, “to continue to be a provocateur, to be rebellious, to start a revolution”.

Yes! But can only the pretty start revolutions? When Madonna refuses to age, when she turns her body into a scientific experiment, she stops representing rebellion and starts representing obedience.”

Actually, no. The most rebellious thing Madonna can do is to continue what she’s doing because she’s clearly making A LOT OF MAINSTREAM PEOPLE UNCOMFORTABLE. So what if she’s done something to her face? It’s her face, she can do what she wants to it. Yes, we have a big problem with the entertainment industry pressuring women to look perpetually young, but with every opinion piece that blames Madonna for it, the patriarchy just laughs and laughs and laughs.

As for the insulting line about the scientific experiment, wow. Just wow. My mother is a world champion surf life saver. Her body is lean and muscular. She is strong. She works out because she enjoys it and because being strong helps her do the other things she enjoys: competing and patrolling. And she is older than Madonna. Hell, over the last six months I’ve lost some weight through exercise and I love how strong my body feels. Saying that someone who uses their body for more than sitting on their arse writing body-shaming opinion pieces is treating it as a “scientific experiment”, is just dumb and, frankly, I expect better than this from the author of Media Tarts: How the Australian Press Frames Female Politicians.

Germaine Greer and body-shaming

Germaine Greer is a professional shit-stirrer. She wasn’t the only feminist in the 70s (and onwards) yelling loudly about the need to treat women like real people, but she was one of the loudest. And for that, Australian women owe a lot to her. (Even those who think feminism is bad.)

But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t call her on it when she body-shames someone. We should always call people on that shit.

Here’s the footage from Monday’s QandA. Everything she said up until 1.16 was great. And then, well, that’s what this post is about:

(Miranda Devine illogically says that Greer’s comments mean ALL FEMINISM IS A SHAM. But that’s what News Ltd pays her for, and I don’t pay very much attention to her. Check out Clementine Ford on that one.)

Greer is not a perfect feminist. I don’t think there are perfect feminists and we shouldn’t hold someone up and say, “See! This one’s perfect!”. I’m certainly not a perfect feminist. The other day, when Lady A told me she was having a little boy, I said that her (very active) partner must be happy about that since he’ll have someone to be all fit and active with. And then corrected myself, because seriously, what a dumb thing to say. And when I walk down the street, for all my talk about body acceptance, I still secretly compare my body to other bodies and feel better when I decide that some body part of mine is better than some body part of someone else’s. It’s stupid. The size of my arse hasn’t stopped me getting a degree and a masters, doing a doctorate, having loads of wonderful funny smart friends, and having a fabulous relationship with The Most Awesome Man In The World. The power of popular culture is a hard one to fight. But every time I catch myself doing these things, I make an effort to correct it and to not do it again. To be a better feminist.

I’m not excusing what Greer said. Not at all. It is completely unacceptable to use a public forum to make negative comments about someone else’s body. It is even more unacceptable when you’re adding those negative comments to a discussion about their professional life. And it is worse for a celebrated feminist to make such a comment than it is for Joe Douchebag to make it. None of us are perfect feminists but that doesn’t mean feminism is faulty. Nor does it mean that when a feminist says something stupid, other feminists should just say, “oh, it’s ok, she’s a feminist, we’ll let that one go”. And that is how we all get a little bit better*.

* and take down the patriarchy

Agony Uncles looks like a pain in the arse

After QandA last night (oh Germaine, it was so disappointing to see one of Australia’s most prominent feminists criticise Julia Gillard for her body and her clothing, what are you, the Daily Telegraph?), the ABC ran a promo for a new show called Agony Uncles. You can see the promo on the ABC website. The show starts tomorrow and, since promos always feature the best bits, it looks like it’ll be some of the least ground-breaking, least interesting television you’ll see in a while. Which is a shame, since it’s from Adam Zwar (Lowdown and Wilfred – two shows I caught from time to time that were pretty amusing). It’s Grumpy Old Men doing the whole Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus thing. What a hoot that’s going to be.

A few quotes from the promo:
“Any time she asks for your honest opinion, you’re being asked to lie.” (Waleed Aly)

“How many girls you slept with? Never. Tell. Them.” (Josh Lawson)

“If you befriend their less attractive friend, they’ll get jealous and be interested in you.” (Tim Ross)

“If you’ve got a wife that you’re sick of, and you want to get a woman on the side, it’s better that she’s married because she’s not going to spill the beans,” (John Elliott)

“If they’ve got Daddy issues, run a mile because seriously, you’re going to be part boyfriend, potential husband, and the rest of the time you’re camp counsellor. Stay away.” (Tim Ross) (Tim Ross also says that it helps if her Mum’s got the hots for you, which suggests that he might be the one with parental issues.)

It’s no good having sheilas that are no good in bed.” (John Elliott)

One can only imagine how “good” John Elliott is in bed.

I feel sorry for people who view the opposite sex in such cliched terms. They can’t have very interesting friendships if this is how they view women. And how good can your relationships be if you deliberately manipulate a woman’s self-esteem because she’s physically attractive, and you think lying to your partner is funny? Comments like these reveal more about these 18 men than they do about women.

A new low in journalism

The third top story on News.com.au tonight is a photo of the dining table inside Whitney Houston’s hotel room. [Update: I originally published this post with a screengrab of the story, but having that photo on my blog didn't sit well with me. It made me just as bad as them. So, it's gone.]

Third top by placement, put there by an editor. I ummed and ahhed about clicking on it, but needed the timestamp. It’s been there for five hours. Five hours. Since it’s 9.30pm, that’s most likely two shifts. Two different news editors have decided that it’s ok to run this story.

News.com.au is running images of Whitney Houston's hotel room

A new low in Australian journalism

The first – apparently most important – bullet point: Whitney’s last meal: Hamburger, fries, turkey sandwich. Followed by speculation.

Do we need to know what Whitney Houston had for dinner? No. The answer is no. It’s 99.9999999 out of 100 times always no.

It is grief porn. It has no real news value. It is there to make people think they might see something gory. For shame, News.com.au, for shame.

Update: I published too quickly. It’s the main pic at dailytelegraph.com.au, with the caption:

SEE inside the hotel room of tragic pop star Whitney Houston before her death, including the final meal she ordered.

It’s not a fucking theme park ride.

Beyonce’s body and bad re-writes

I was going to blog about the constant policing of women’s bodies in the mainstream media, and how celebrity weight changes are now considered News, not just Entertainment News, and about how women are mocked if they don’t look sexually attractive throughout their entire pregnancy, and about how images of Beyonce’s body were examined to discover whether or not her “bump” was real, and about how a few weeks after having a baby, nameless journos have scrutinised her body for signs of weight gain and declared that since only her boobs are bigger, then she is sexy. But then I noticed something.

I noticed how similar the News.com.au and smh.com.au versions of the Beyonce story are. And I noticed how similar they both are to the original story on Us Weekly.

Some similarities are unavoidable, particularly when using journalese. (For a laugh, check out Words journalists use that people never say and the BBC’s paper monitor.) Journalists tend to use the same words, the same voices and the same angles when writing stories, so of course their stories all sound the same. They’re consistent. Predictable. Very predictable. After all, today’s funny tech stories were last week’s RTs on twitter.

But how much similarity is ok and how much is plagiarism?

This is all the Media Alliance Code of Ethics has to say about it:

10. Do not plagiarise.

Righty-o then.

Australian news sites run on re-writes from British and American tabloids. Without them, online journalists would have to, um, pick up the phone and make some calls and write their own stories. I guess it comes down to what what online editors think is important: getting your tertiary-educated journalists to chase stories that your competitors don’t have – stories that make your website a trusted, “must visit” news source, thereby improving your own job prospects – or getting them to bash out a few pars of the same shit that’s on every website.

But, to be fair, journalists in Australian newsrooms can’t be there in person to report on what a celebrity is wearing and whether or not they look fat/tired/like their relationship is on the rocks every time they leave the house, so re-writes are a necessary evil if you want to run these stories on your website.

So, the stories. News.com.au went for the SEO bonanza headline – Beyonce proves she’s already crazy in shape just one month after giving birth to Blue Ivy – but loses points for saying that Beyonce was “stepping out to support her rapper husband”. Unless she was performing a dance move, “stepping out” should not have made it past the sub.

During the concert, Jay-Z reportedly got choked up while performing Glory, the song he wrote for their newborn daughter.

Pay attention to that sentence. At smh.com.au: Woah mama! Beyonce’s post baby appearance:

Jay-Z looked visibly choked up when he performed Glory – the song he wrote for his new baby girl.

And from the original story at Us Weekly: Beyonce Reveals Sexy Post-Baby Body 1 Month After Giving Birth:

During the concert, Jay-Z got choked up while performing “Glory,” the song he wrote for their daughter, Blue Ivy (born January 7 in NYC).

This is also from the original:

Post-show, A-list guests hit up Jay-Z’s 40/40 club for the official after-party.

Knowles was clearly enjoying her night off, arriving half an hour after her hip-hop husband, 42, walked the red carpet.

And this is from the News.com.au re-write:

Following the show, A-list guests hit up Jay-Z’s 40/40 club for the after-party.

Knowles, 30, was clearly enjoying her night off, arriving half an hour after her hip-hop husband, 42, walked the red carpet.

Righty-o then.

I did something awful

Yesterday I did something awful, and I did it for you.

I bought a copy of NW.

I had to buy it at a place I don’t normally shop, so they wouldn’t recognise me.

And I had to hide it inside the newspaper in my bag in case anyone happened to peek inside and see it.

And when the lovely M came over for dinner last night, I had to hide it under Spectrum and The King’s Tribune, in the bedroom, in case she had quietly developed x-ray vision and saw it from the living room.

That’s how much of a snob I am.

Why did I buy this? Well, I’ve been reading Caitlin Moran’s very excellent How to be a woman and her chapter on role models clarified my unease about ignoring these tabloid magazines. Moran writes:

Tabloids, magazines and the Daily Mail work by means of turning the lives and careers of a few dozen women into a combination of living soap and daily morality lesson – on the good side, responding to the gigantic desire to examine the modern female condition, but on the bad side, leaving the subjects ostensibly powerless to write their own narrative, or express their own analysis of the matter. This is why any modern feminist worth her salt has an interest in the business of A-list gossip: it is the main place where our perception of women is currently being formed. (p. 247).

So, let’s look at the cover of NW:

Cover of NW, November 28, 2011

Cover of NW, November 28, 2011

Surgery shockers, or simply four photos of women who were photographed while speaking, half-smiling or generally doing something that required their face to move?

Inside, someone has helpfully written “Giant lips” on the picture of Kim Kardashian’s clearly un-giant lips, along with an arrow pointing to her lips for all those people who struggle to identify lips on a face. Phew, thanks NW.

Almost all of the photos of these “surgery shockers” are simply bad photos, or photos of faces in motion. I don’t know about you, but when I’m photographed while talking, my face looks like it’s melting. Sure, a few of these faces look a bit odd (again, could just be a bad photo), but instead of the “HELLO, DUCK FACE” headline, why not have at least one line about an industry that pressures beautiful women to inject shit into their faces because that’s somehow more beautiful? You know, explain why it’s bad, rather than starting and ending with “we don’t like how it looks”, which means the whole public conversation about cosmetic surgery revolves around what other people think of your face. Hell, the caption under the photo of Sophie Monk was your lead-in: “I should have said no, but I trusted the doctor”. But instead of having anything constructive to add, magazines like NW just point and say “let’s all laugh at them because they don’t know where the invisible line is between a good amount of shit-injecting and a bad amount of shit-injecting”.

I’m not suggesting that NW become The Bulletin (although the defunct bit is appealing). But this is a weekly magazine about famous women that has nothing positive to say about women. If they’re not stealing each other’s boyfriends/husbands – thereby ignoring the fact that these men chose to cheat on their partners and are the ones who should be copping the blame – then they’re not eating enough or they are eating too much, which is really just an excuse for someone to say that these famous women look ugly. The nameless journos who work for these mags are policing the bodies of women they don’t know and will never meet.

These magazines make their money from photos of famous women that, for the most part, those women did not agree to. They also make shit up about these photos, knowing that American celebrities on the other side of the world aren’t able to monitor everything that is written about them and sue or demand a public apology. Like “humiliated” Demi Moore:

Demi Moore in NW

Demi Moore in NW

To me, this looks less “humiliated and heartbroken” and more “get the fuck out of my face with your camera. Can’t you see I’m just trying to walk somewhere? Seriously, you parasite photographer who makes money from my image without my permission, just fuck off”.

And apparently Kristen Stewart is “obsessed” with Angelina Jolie and to “prove” it, there’s a photo of Stewart in a brown leather dress and Jolie in a black leather dress. I don’t know much about fashion but even I know leather is in.

And, there’s this:

Kristin Stewart in NW

Kristin Stewart in NW

Oh my god, NW, you’re so right! Two actresses who have both been on magazine covers and both worn a fashionable outfit and both hooked up with someone they met on a movie set and so one must be copying the other!

The whole story is about what Stewart’s boyfriend apparently thinks of this apparent obsession. The message to readers: the most important thing about yourself is what your boyfriend thinks.

One of the MSM’s favourite topics is telling Madonna what to do. (I’ve blogged about this before, here and here.) In NW, yet another nameless journo is yet another un-famous person telling one of the Western world’s most famous pop stars – one who is still topping the charts at 53, in an industry obsessed with youth – to “put it away”. And this sniping about Madonna’s appearance is masked as concern (trolling) for her daughter. The headline: “Stop it, mum! Madge can’t help showing up her daughter”.

The teenage years can be tough. You’re growing all the time, there’s hair sprouting where there never used to be hair and your parents are, like, so embarrassing.

So imagine what 15-year-old Lourdes Leon went through when her 53-year-old mum Madonna cavorted around a stage in fishnet tights and a pair of bondage boots.

Ok, I’ll imagine. She probably thought her mum was doing what she normally does.

While Lourdes should be used to Madge playing the raunchy card at the drop of a hat, insiders tell NW – hahahahahaha, yeah, right – she’s reached breaking point over mum’s sexy shenanigans.

“She thinks it’s high time her mum started to grow old gracefully,” says a source.

No doubt that “source” is the anonymous journo making this shit up. Why should anyone “grow old gracefully”, when we all know that simply means to disappear from public view so young people don’t have to look at icky older people.

…seeing Madge make a spectacle of herself… She feels like she’s making a fool of herself.

There are three themes here: 1) it is embarrassing when women over the age of 40 are seen having fun in public; 2) the relationship between mother and daughter is nothing more than some kind of Electra complex for the men in the nightclub; and 3) Madonna is a bad mother.

Three other mothers – Dina Lohan, Christina Aguilera and Kendra Wilkinson – are also criticised for daring to leave the house and have fun. Possibly with alcohol. So I’ll add a fourth theme: mothers should be selflessly devoted to their children at all times and not do anything that involves getting a babysitter.

People will always be interested in celebrities. There’s fantasy involved, and everyone likes looking at images of people they think are beautiful. But why do the narratives these journalists make up always have to put women down? Because fuck knows we have enough of that in our daily lives.