You Googled what?

People find me in odd ways, so I’ll keep updating this page with some of the stranger search terms. I wonder how disappointed they are when they discover this is not a nude news blog?

“will women smell when they are wet on be” (whatever the hell that means?)
“sexist nipples” (damn those sexist nipples)
“women with great nipples”
“drink nipples of women” (how do you drink nipples?)
“nipple of bollywood actors” (not sure I’ve mentioned Bollywood. Ever. And why are they searching for just one nipple? And why are the actors sharing it?)
“long nipple man foto”
“monster old nipples”
“child nipples” (that’s disturbing)
“flu and tampons” (is there some bogus health scare I don’t know about?)
“catfight rip secretary” (I have no way to explain how this found me)
“mean and way to have longer nipples”
“quotes on feet hurt wearing heels funny”
“40 years old blond woman with big nipple”
“can’t smell”
“nipples up arse” (what the fuck? Am I going to have to Google this to find out what they were actually looking for?)
“female black punished nipple”
“women nipple punishment”
“ascham underwear” (wrong, wrong, wrong)
“sharking sperm assault” (what the fuck does this even mean?)
“kyle sandilands sperm count” (ha ha ha ha ha ha, gross)
“comments about nipples in workplace”
“bogan nipples” (are bogan nipples different to yuppie nipples?)
“animal sex15 year age boys.com” (huh?)
“dog sexwo men”
“sex18 clack”
“video of womens clit”
“www.women.withgreat.nipples..”
“miranda kerr nipple new of the world”
“catfighting ripping clothes bra videoi” (yep, that’s an extra i in video)
“rape nipples story in public”
“drink from vaginas”
“horse nipple”
“pleasure imagesize:770×140″
“thestory.someprivacy.com”
“doing the news with hard nipples”
“poring a bottel of shampane in a vigaina” (that’s some mighty fine spelling)
“clitcam.com” (seriously, how do these things even find me?)
“fuckyeahcurvy girl.com”
“it can take any size piston + vagina” (some people have waaay more fun on the internet than I do)
“is only a pity that the management syste” (and some people don’t have much fun on the internet at all)
“wiman with no clothes on so you can see”
“six battlestar galactica nipples” (I’m actually quite chuffed this one found me, since I’ve got the final two episodes of season four to go)
“nipples in mouth of tiger woods of elin”
“wrestlers breasts”
“shakespeare gap tooth lover”
“figure presentation of nipple bra”
“when i drink i smell” (that sucks)
“oops nips on the street”
“flashing in the workplace”
“steaming poo” (awesome)
“whatever blah blah blah paul sheehan” (yeah, I feel like that too)
“how do celebrity women keep vaginas smel” (because celebrity vaginas smell different to normal vaginas?)
“ice cube on nipple for std testing” (just see a doctor)
“lara bingle sex fuck” (dude, you are on the wrong website. But while you’re here, please check out what I have to say about Lara Bingle. You might learn how to be less of a complete tool)
“vaginal brownness” (I’m sure you can get a cream for that, but why not celebrate what you have, rather than what porn tells you a vagina should look like)
“love tony abbott sexy body” (don’t ever type that again)
“one-trick pony tits” (I think I’ve found my new favourite term of endearment. Or an insult. I’m not sure which one it is yet)
“if play rugby one more time i’m gonna mi” (I really want to know the rest of this sentence)
“tightest sexist shiny pants pictures”
“vagina luck” (if you have one, you are indeed lucky)
“horse semen pleasure nipple” (sorry dude, wrong website)
“self nailing nipples”
“new law windfall golddiggers”
“how to tell a perfect vigina from a bad” (all vaginas are perfect)
“vaginal sharking” (I googled this and ended up on a porn website – surprise surprise – but a very nice lady popped up on screen inviting me to do all sorts with her)
“why do unmarried women have big nipples” (do they? Really?)
“tick-nude-women-ingym”
“baby bash cd reviews nz musician nopples” (I don’t even know what that means)
“smart arse in budgie smugglers”
“i’ll busticate your face” (for more information, http://newswithnipples.wordpress.com/2010/07/30/its-boob-friday/)
“tony abbott threatened by gays boats”
“fucking on robbery house” (huh?)
“accidental sleeping nipples”
“are cagina flaps big or small?”
“catfight in shiny pants”
“vigaina bubbles from hell” (seriously, how do these people find me?)
“throwing up and while stuff on nipples”
“female nipple punishment wrestling”
“”waking up inside you” flying without wings” (huh?)
“i’m the bad yellow one”
“what does women celebrity wear because of which nipples cannot be seen”
“shit on my nipples” (ewwwwww)
“is there a difference between violent rape and having sex with a passed out woman?” (do you really need the internet to find the answer to this one?)
“lottery winner used feng shui 111″ (ok, that makes no sense at all. How did this person end up at my place?)
“little bitty women with big cunts”
“indian celebrities washing nipples without boy”
“animation ponytail “talking dinosaur””
“the.pussy.more.harry.end.hold.word”
“canberra confused love my boyfriend lesbian controlling”
“crockery for nipples”
“the prime minister’s wife gasped as she felt the massive cock force into her womb”
“laminex moustache”
“curly amazon masturbate”
“nipples and shit” (not sure if they’re into coprophagia, or just a lazy googler)
“method dish soap bottle used to gap cunt for fisting”
“can you flash your boobs at the summernats”
“kyle sandilands get your cunt out”
“photos sexy women running though bushland”
“just got to lick the brandy butter bowl, dirty meaning?”
“megamind upskirt” (and for all the people searching for “Megamind Roxanne nude”: IT’S A MOVIE FOR CHILDREN!)
“how to dispose of sexual energy without masturbation”
“so, let’s see if we’ve got this straight: if the global wave of “slutwalks” — as they are affectionately known — have made anything clear, it is this: it’s now perfectly ok to call a woman a “slut”. or should be. sort of. as long as it’s meant in a friendly way. or not. i think.try again” (yes, that was their search term)
“nipple ceramic patty 05″
“piek a boo view of a nipple or two”
“we run this shit woah guys looks like they run this shit” (this turned up three times in one day. Why did they click through three times?)
“www.freaky archive nipples.com” (if they knew the URL, why did they Google it?)
“fun youporn enthusiastic feminist”
“michelle pfeiffer movie with one nipple movie name”
“can we use abott nipple again and again” (eeeew)
“handlebar mustache down to nipples” (BRILLIANT!)
“chesty mc slut tits” (AWESOME!)
“www.dick boobs nipples.com”
“live news shots of female reporters with rock hard nipples”
“elephant with right leg raise” (how did this even find me?)
“disney rapunzel upskirts” (it’s a cartoo- forget it, I give up.)
“cruel foldering tits”
“krystal isn’t alone and is loved even if it is just by a dickhead”
“peter jesus who do you say that i am”
“sneakypee adventures”
“why is earth 99% dickhead”
“mia geting fuck with legging on”
“no slut your tits are mine”
“fashion ramp walk without colth sexy on nippl” (ha ha ha ha ha)
“close image of gap between breasts with nipple of victoria azarenka” (huh?)
“hors+fuckey”
“moist gusset bodysuit tumblr”
“help my flatmate stinks”
“stupid chick stuff”
“dress 90’s pics only women in open nipple lingerie”
“www.teens with eric nipples.com” (as in, Eric the vampire?)
“how many nipples does it make to make $2″ (dollar a nip, mate)
“chesty mchotvoice” (BEST. Might change my derby name to Chesty McHotvoice.)

46 responses to “You Googled what?

  1. I like that ‘cant smell’ and ‘nipples up my arse’ are next to each, run those phrases together for added funny!

  2. I saw a t shirt in Japan that said ‘ I’m fucking girl’ I often wonder where the ‘a’ goes.

  3. Heheh. Told ya I always check in when someone links on farcebook (Beth). See, back in the day, I would google new with nipples and would be so pissed it didn’t lead me to you. But now it does! Victory! Good times for the simpletons like me who don’t know how to subscribe to a blog!
    All great, but I have softspot for “fuckyeahcurvygirl.com”. Have ya got his email?

    • Ha, sorry Josco, I don’t have any details for fuckyeahcurvygirl… My favourite at the moment is “shakespeare gap tooth lover”, but I’ll always have a soft spot for “sharking sperm assault”.

  4. lol, i found this site while searching “shit repelling force field”. im pretty sure there is no such device, but i had to be sure.

  5. “flue and tampons” refers to the toxic shock syndrome scare in the 1980’s, the culprit was supposed to be super-absorbent tampons introduced by Proctor and Gamble. You can read about it here

    http://www.mum.org/Rely.htm

    I’m pretty sure of it.

  6. Hey Kim, great work on the blog – it’s great to see something witty, articulate and well thought out on here.

    I only signed up last night and tried to find some local content. I searched for “Anna Bligh” and came across you. For the record, I did not search for “Anna Bligh nipples” – that’s just wrong. Next time I promise to try and find you via a more creative attempt, possibly “dirty girl hard nipple pillow fighting” or something to that extent.

    I’ve just posted my first rant in the blogosphere. Feedback (and criticism) would be appreciated if you are happy to waste five minutes of your life on it…

  7. “self nailing nipples”

    I think you can get those at Bunnings

  8. that is hillarious!!!
    How do you find how people find you on google?

    • Hello scubanurse, and welcome to the News with Nipples. I don’t actually know what people Google, these are the terms that people search wordpress blogs for. So, I’m being a little sneaky, because ‘You Googled what?’ sounds better than ‘You searched wordpress blogs for what?’

  9. I would say that a good percentage of those searches were conducted by woman. That is my guess coz men aren’t usually that concerned about some of that stuff.

  10. I Googled for “IT (as in Information Technology) Career Prospects” and landed here…bit weird…anyway I will try and milk your site for what it is worth…

  11. “are cagina flaps big or small?” made me snort very loudly, and then snicker for about half an hour. These are all a perfect mix of disturbing and hilarious.

  12. nipple of Bolloywood actors sounds like a collective noun.

  13. i was trying to find out if [name deleted]‘s daughter was gay or not, because apparently she was seen in a gay club? see [name deleted]‘s twiiter/facebook.

    • Hi jaz, welcome to the News with Nipples.

      I’ve edited your comment to remove the names, because another person’s sexuality is none of our business. And certainly, being seen in a gay club is hardly proof that someone is gay.

  14. I once had someone come to my blog on ‘Dora the explorer assraped by a man’

  15. “one-trick pony tits”: priceless
    The rest of the site is great too :]

  16. I just started blogging and I’m already laughing over some of the search terms since I have blogged about attachment parenting, yoga, tandem breastfeeding, yoga, and one post about elitist arguments against funding planned parenthood. I get a lot of weird combos along the lines of “naked yoga sexy tandem punishment breasts @#$%…” I bet it’s a real let down when they arrive. Ha!

    I may have to start a record of weird googles too.

  17. Snappy the Alligator

    “sharking sperm assault” (what the fuck does this even mean?)

    You probably don’t want to know the answer to this, as it’s deeply disturbing. Sharking is a Japanese ‘activity’ (if you want to call it that, although sexual assault is a more apt term as you’ll soon see) where guys run up to random girls on the street and do things to them, like pull there tops off etc. Sharking sperm assault is pretty much what it sounds like – a guy will run up to a girl on the street and ejaculate on her while one of his friends films it. Absolutely disgusting, and don’t recommend looking this up. I got through about 30 seconds of a 5omin clip of this.

  18. Ok, this has to be one of the funniest things I’ve ever read! Brilliant.

  19. I attempted to google ‘has a woman ever been convicted of war crimes?’, but by the time I had got to ‘has a woman ever…’ the suggested searches were, in order:
    – Has a woman ever invented anything?
    – Has a woman ever climbed mount everest?
    – Has a woman ever won the medal of honour?
    – Has a woman ever won wipeout?

    So yeah, google fails, hard.

  20. Pingback: – The Australian Society of Authors E-Exchange Day « Digireado

  21. I have just discovered your blog and I love it! I actually had tears pouring down my face with laughter reading these searches. Gold!

  22. Hello dear,

    Please add “Phwoar,” to your list. This is how I came across your blog via the omniscient search engine known to us as Google.

    Thanks for adding to the dialogue of humanity,

    A.

  23. Pingback: Fear and writing | the news with nipples

  24. I found you at the very respectable State Lib of Victoria catalogue:
    I really like the contents summary section.

    Title: The news with nipples [electronic resource] / Kim Powell.
    Author/Creator: Kim Powell
    Series dates: Mar. 2009-
    Publisher: [Australia] : Kim Powell
    Date(s): 2009-
    Subjects: Powell, Kim ; Sexism — Australia ; Press — Australia ; Women — Australia ; Journalists — Australia ; Blogs — Australia
    Notes: Title from title page (viewed on 24 Feb. 2011)
    Contents/Summary: “This blog is about the news and sexism. And sometimes other stuff. I don’t use words like ‘heteronormative’ because they’re a good way to alienate your audience. Hell, they alienate me.”

    • I’m very excited about that. This blog has been archived by the National Library of Australia’s PANDORA ARCHIVE:

      PANDORA is a selective archive. The National Library and its partners do not attempt to collect all Australian online publications and web sites, but select those that they consider are of significance and to have long-term research value.

      JW, welcome to the News with Nipples.

  25. Of course, having published a post containing ALL these search terms, you’ll be inundated with randoms forever more …

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