Today’s post

I was going to post today about how I’m always getting in trouble at work. Being a pain in the butt for questioning everything used to make you a good journalist. Now it just makes you a pain in the butt.

Instead, today’s post will be about vaginas.

Vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina vagina.

I love saying the word ‘vagina’ loudly in public. It weirds people out in a way that ‘cunt’ doesn’t. Which is kind of strange, because cunt is The Baddest Swear Word EVARRRR, but vagina just refers to the canal between the uterus and vulva of a female mammal. If canals are so offensive to talk about in public, why doesn’t anyone mind when I say ‘alimentary canal’? (And then giggle childishly because canal has ‘anal’ in it.)

So, in celebration of vaginas, this photo on Sun July 26 cracks me up. The caption, not so much, but that truly is a giant papier mache vagina in all of its vagina-y awesomeness. (Wonder how many male readers I’ve lost at this point?)

For some reason, people are scared of vaginas – or, more specifically, vulvas. I know that’s the accurate term, but it’s just not as much fun to say.

Jezebel has a piece on how we read women’s bodies:

We show—expect to see—more and more of everything on the female body around the genitals, but there is allowed to be less and less ‘evidence’ of its existence or aspects of the body connected to it (pubic hair, belly fat, the pubic mound). What we define as our genitals—that which still remains private, until some line is crossed—is pushed into a tinier and tinier bit of real estate.

Unless you’re a bloke. Consider the underwear ad, in which male models have a “whoa, package!”, but female models have a smooth flat surface. That’s quite the mixed message being sent by mainstream heterosexual culture: spend your life chasing vagina, but ew, vaginas are icky. And don’t think about another dude’s cock, but check out this enormous cock in these designer undies.

And finally, in case you didn’t already know, regretsy has a vagina category. It is pure, crafty, comedy gold.

28 responses to “Today’s post

  1. vagina… mmm it does sound good like saying boobies out loud BOOBIES

    hey i know my way around the lady garden, i have a map and a torch…..

  2. I just don’t like the word vagina. It’s like an old fashioned girl name that everyone avoids (Maude and Mavis are up there with it). I can’t say it out loud. I even use ‘vajaja’ or ‘the love below’ when I go to the doctors. She thinks I’m about six years old (and creepy) but she just goes with it. Vagina. I said it.

  3. This is why the term “camel toe” has always pissed me off. It’s calling a natural part of the body something disgusting.

    I say rise up, and create a “Reclaim Your Camel Toe” day!

  4. What on earth is a camel toe? I’ve never heard the expression. Sounds like some sort of loafer.

    Isn’t vagina rather like penis. I always find that harder to say than cock or dick, sounds so much like a mother giving an anatomical reply to a three year olds difficult questions.

  5. Hey doll, a camel toe is when the pants are just to tight they get into the vagina!
    Hope this worked!

  6. Heh. I recently introduced a “boobs” tag on my blog. Because, let’s face it, I discuss them a lot.

    I am getting at least 5 hits a day from people clicking on it from WordPress.

    I am choosing to be complimented.

  7. My work filter is so scared of vaginas it blocked the photo and other links in the ‘too rude’ category.

    Flaps always funny and ‘falcon’ is a popular choice among the discerning. I introduced falconry to the UK recently and successfully inducted one of my oldest friends into the pink canal (hall sounded a little cavernous) of falcon fame. (That’s sounds ruder that it was – she just says falcon a lot now)

    I have a gay friend who cannot stand baby names for anatomical parts, this is a man who very strongly and proudly shouts penis and vagina in most cafes, then again he has a way of introducing the word labia into a conversation faster and more acceptably and overtly than any other human I know.

    • Welcome back Lexy! I’ve missed you.

      The photo is just of a couple iceskating, and I think you’ve seen the giant papier mache vagina bike before, right?

      I also prefer the correct word for body parts, so it’s odd that I love using the word ‘falcon’. I even greet some of my girlfriends with “g’day falcon”.

  8. “vagina just refers to the canal between the uterus and vulva of a female mammal”

    OK. I’ve just had to skim through this post because there’s simply way too much information here on display for a gay boy.

    I thought a “vulva” was some sort of safe European car, or those trumpets they were blowing at the world cup.

    You learn something new everyday, as they say. (Whether you like it or not)…!

  9. Nipples,

    I guess you mean trousers right? With all the pretty skirts and dresses around now not to mention leggings I don’t expect to see too tight pants any time soon. It’s a weird saying so I’m more than happy it’s not part of my vernacular.

  10. I love the reworked song under the vulva ritual bowls 🙂

    • Hi Mellopuffy, welcome to the News with Nipples.

      Just the fact that there are vulva ritual bowls cracks me up. Wonder what they’re used for? Or could you just use them for canapes?

  11. Cunt, flaps, git, slash, slit, axe wound, lady garden, pink taco, for china, FALCON, punani, flange, vagina.
    All of these are acceptable to me. Vajayjay is NOT. Maybe that is just me though…
    Oh, flower and special gift can fuck off too. Or is the special gift just what comes in the box? Heehee, ‘comes in the box’

    • I don’t like the term ‘vajayjay’ either. There’s something very Oprah about it.

    • no dont like vajayjay either for all reasons above. But I don’t like axe wound either (too violent sounding) and not very accurate. One of my exes called it a flu(e) i.e a ventilation shaft for a boiler/weater heater. I never liked that either.

  12. That’s because it was coined by her. Or at least popularised.
    It is too much of a euphemism… It is word people use when they are embarrassed to say vagina. It is cutesy and ick.

  13. Popularised by Oprah. Which actually hacks me off because its actual creation was basically a protest by Grey’s Anatomy (the show, obvs?) writers who were told they couldn’t have a woman doctor giving birth using the word “vagina” when in a previous episode “penis” got trotted out (phwoar) 17 times or something.

    So they tried to think of the most ludicrous term possible. And then of course everyone decided it was actually the coolest thing ever. *headdesk* is not enough.

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