Virgin brides

A few days ago I blogged about how it’s open season on Kate Middleton. Today, the online/lifestyle editor at the Sydney Morning Herald feels it’s important to tell readers that Kate Middleton can’t be a virgin because she and William have lived together. Seriously.

Even though the headline is Virgin territory for princess bride, which isn’t so bad, check out the document title:

That’s right – the online editor/journo thought it was important to mention that, nudge nudge, it’s unlikely that Middleton is a virgin. The article is actually about the modernisation of the monarchy and has very little to do with Middleton’s hymen, yet the whole article hangs off the words “Middleton” and “virgin”.

And then there’s the first line:

For many of us, there’s an intrinsic appeal to the image of a virgin bride – a pretty concoction of purity in a princess dress.

I am such a failure as a woman – indeed, as a human being – because I couldn’t care less about whether or not someone has sex before marriage. Or even gets married at all. And then there’s the idea of purity – that after she has sex, a woman is impure/defiled/damaged goods. Journalism doesn’t have to be this sleazy.

18 responses to “Virgin brides

  1. shit, she isn’t a virgin…. well then i’m going to return the royal wedding t-shirts… this is a sham

    was Di a virgin ?

  2. Oh. My. God.
    Just read the comments posted at the bottom of the article in question. Is depressing to think I share my country with such people.

  3. Not to mention dumb! Oh, that’s the one that got me the most. The article is offensive in the extreme. The media are speculating on a woman’s virginity like it somehow matters or is an appropriate topic of discussion (like it’s anyones frigging business!) and all she/he has taken from it is the supposed state of Kate’s eyebrows?! Sigh.

  4. Jesus, are they going to bring the nuptial sheets out for inspection, too?

    And I don’t find the idea of a virgin bride appealing, I actually find it sad, and I don’t think I’m alone in that. That is an intolerant thing for me to say – this is a part of some peoples’ religion after all, but that is what my gut reaction to virgin brides is. Oh that’s right. I’m a heathen whore, explains it all 😀

    • Pants, I know what you mean. But I’m a heathen whore too. I gave my precious gift to my first boyfriend almost two decades ago – we both exchanged precious gifts that were wrapped up in ribbons of bourbon. As a result, I can’t listen to Pink Floyd without worrying about the tape player falling on my head.

      There’s another thing about the virgin bride that bothers me: it allows men to be bad lovers. If she’s never had sex before, she won’t know that he’s shit in bed. And by shit I don’t mean you aren’t swinging from the light fittings by your labia. I mean that he’s not interested in your pleasure as well as his own.

      • my precious gift involved me vomming on him the next morning, and a wonderful scar on my shin from where his puppy bit me in the back of his land rover (that is not a euphemism).

        Ah, the chaste wife ideal. And we hear the lament that their partner isn’t a cock-sucking nymphomaniac wielding novelty lingerie and porn-perfect pouts. Well, duh. Takes most of us years of practice to get that schtick down without feeling like a tool. I get confused – am I meant to have my legs pretty much surgically fixed in the closed position, or am I meant to have an uncanny ability to cater for my future husbands every whim? Sounds to me like I have the choice of being the excuse for my hubby to run out an have an affair, or the excuse for my husband to berate me for being a ‘bad’ mother (cause you can’t like sex AND raise children, no sir-ee!)

        • Ooh, the morning after vom. Classy.

          I think if you’re going to have kids, then you can only have sex once per child.

          • And cue Monty Pythons Meaning of Life and the protestant couple during the Every Sperm is Sacred song….that scene played in my head when I read I think if you’re going to have kids, then you can only have sex once per child.

            Ahh, the joys of motherhood, that moment when (to the rest of society) you cease to exist as a sexual being. The rules of society for Mothers…..You must wear Mum jeans and have drab haircuts and wear sensible shoes. You do not have a stripper pole in your bedroom. You do not wear 12″ thigh high fuck me boots and you do not own enough teledildonics to open your own adult store. You don’t LUST, you DUST. (And you should never use words like stripper pole, fuck me boots and teledildonics. It’s simply not motherly.)

  5. Really? They want to talk about the status of her hymen?

    You don’t buy a car without test driving it. A car might last a decade or more in your life. A marriage is supposed to be until death, why on earth would any one marry any one without first knowing if the chemistry is really there? Sex is a very important part of marriage, if it wasn’t, there’d be no hurt feelings when partners stray and perhaps there’d be a lot less straying if people were sexually compatible.

    I am not saying that sex is the most important thing in a relationship, but it is more important than people are often willing to admit. And the thing is as women we are conditioned that it doesn’t matter if the sex is less than satisfying, because it’s not the be all and end all, you just have to lie back, think of England and snag that man before he gets a way and leaves you an old maid.

    This could get long winded so I’ll shut up now. But the last I think about when I think about Kate Middleton (which is really very rare) is the status of her hymen.

    ps. I know it’s not in this post but I just had to say, I love your ‘venus fly trap vagina’ terminology.

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