Emotions invented by the internet

Next in an occasional series about The Internet is this pretty amusing piece by Leigh Alexander at Thought Catalog: Five Emotions Invented By The Internet. My favourite is this one:

The state of being ‘installed’ at a computer or laptop for an extended period of time without purpose, characterized by a blurry, formless anxiety undercut with something hard like desperation. During this time the individual will have several windows open, generally several browser ‘tabs,’ a Microsoft Word document in some state of incompletion, the individual’s own Facebook page as well as that of another randomly-selected individual who may or may not be on the ‘friends’ list, 2-5 Gchat conversations that are no longer immediately active, possibly iTunes and a ‘client’ for Twitter. The individual will switch between the open applications/tabs in a fashion that appears organised but is functionally aimless, will return to reading some kind of ‘blog post’ in one browser tab and become distracted at the third paragraph for the third time before switching to the Gmail inbox and refreshing it again.

While performing this behaviour the individual feels a sense of numb depersonalisation, being calmly and pragmatically aware that they have no identifiable need to be at the computer nor are they gleaning any practical use from it at that moment, and the individual may feel vaguely uncomfortable or ashamed about this awareness in concert with the fact that they continue to perform the idle ‘refreshing’ behavior.

Yep, I know that one. Experience it all the time.

Here are two of mine:

The confused wall of blank The feeling you get when you’ve wandered down the hyperlink rabbit hole for fuck know’s how long, and when there’s nothing else you want to click on, you can’t remember what you were looking for in the first place.

Thoracic disinterest Suddenly becoming aware that your posture is terrible, but you’ve been sitting in front of the computer for so long that you don’t give a shit. Besides, you know that if you sit up straight you’ll only be hunched again in a few minutes, so why bother?

What’ve you got?

3 responses to “Emotions invented by the internet

  1. So I finally came up with one today.
    Hypocondrinet* – when you are mildly sick and you look up you afliction on the Internet only to be completely freaked out** by the pictures and information.
    *nwn actually came up with the name; I just came up with the condition.
    ** DO NOT, under any circumstances, look up Sebaceous gland/cyst. Nothing good can come of it.

  2. The thing I find with Thoracic Distinterest is that eventually correct posture becomes painful. That’s where I’m at now. I must remain hunched!

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