Aspirational beige

Is there anything more satisfying than a really good insult? One that delivers on more levels than just a generic “bitch” or “arsehole”.

It’s even better when the insult serves to highlight your own intellectual superiority. I won’t out them here, but a friend refers to someone else as “aspirational beige” and I love it. If you’re a middle class, cider drinking, ethical meat eating, live music going, worm farming wanker like me, you’ll know exactly why aspirational beige is such an excellent insult.

The Fabulous Lady A says the “bigger the TV, the smaller the IQ” – an insult that works best when standing in someone’s living room.

Anyway, I’m in the market for a new really great insult. What have you got?

30 responses to “Aspirational beige

  1. Rhiannon Saxon

    I’ve always liked, ‘They’re the salt of the earth – but not its pepper.”

  2. “If you took that bullshit you’re talking and put it in your head, you might grow a brain.” It’s not intellectual, but it’s fun.

  3. Bampot. Gobshite. The Scots/Irish insults are the best ones.

  4. To a homophobe
    I don’t know why you keep going on about gays you are far too ugly for any gay man to want to fuck
    An insult that works best when done in front of his mates

    • I love the ‘ridicule in front of mates’ approach. Years ago, a total sleaze (standing there with his friend) said something charmingly subtle like “hey baby, want a root”. I turned to him and said “mate, I wouldn’t even touch yours with his” and the sleaze’s mate almost pissed himself laughing.

  5. Rhiannon Saxon

    Oooh on Scottish terms, I ALWAYS use the expression, ‘taken a scunner against someone’. Scunner. It’s so descriptive, somehow.

  6. Rhiannon Saxon

    A dislike or suspicion as far as I know.

  7. Beige is a reference to heterosexuals, it always gets me down. I am happy for the GLTB community to have the rainbow but please save me from beige.

    • I didn’t know that. As far as I’m concerned beige is a term for people who are boring, ‘grown up’ and unfunny. Or ‘dull as shit’. Gender and sexual preference have nothing to do with it.
      There are different levels of beige too; ‘hearing aid beige’ and ‘old lady undies beige’ being two of my favorites.

  8. Great by virtue of context and reactions, more than anything else:

    Way back in the dark days of school, on some excursion or other involving rock climbing. Thus involving harnesses. Which just look grrrreat.
    A peer was, with great maturity, suggesting that the harness-induced clumping *ahem* was due to my having placed socks within my underwear. To, I don’t know, appeal to my fellow teenage boys or something.
    Me: Just because you’ve never seen anything larger than your own, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.
    Him: oh, yeah, great comeback.
    Young female teacher who’d been listening in (said with a smirk): actually, it really was, so shut up already.

  9. My best friend and I have a pet name for describing someone we’ve met who’s nice enough but kinda boring .. we call them “vanilla”. Oh, and people who are a bit thick we describe as “20 watt-ahs” (you know, ’cause they’re “not the brightest globes in the box”).

  10. I have referred to people as being ” a John Howard of a man”

  11. It’s not quite “great vampire squid wrapped around the face of humanity”, but Rachel Maddow said the following about Transocean (of the BP oil spill Transoceans) giving its executives a bonus for the exemplary safety record:

    “able to sense only the difference between profit and loss, the same way a cat uses its whiskers to walk around a house in the dark”

  12. Hey! I have a fairly big tv. đŸ˜¦

  13. I’ve always been fond of “a sorry waste of carbon”.

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