Elle of a way to write a ridiculous story

I keep an eye on the entertainment sections of news sites, a la Caitlin Moran, even though sometimes it’s hard to tell which bits are the entertainment section, and sometimes I don’t know who the “celebrities” are. But sometimes you see an article so stupid that you don’t know whether to use your feminist voice, laugh until you cry, or just feel sorry for the person who wrote it.

Like this one, by the Daily Telegraph‘s body shamer/gossip writer, Ros Reines: Elle of a way for Macpherson to get revenge on Arpad Busson:

WAS it just sheer coincidence that Elle Macpherson should grab the attention of world paparazzi at the same time Uma Thurman had a child with the Aussie supermodel’s ex-boyfriend, French financier Arpad Busson?

No sooner had 42-year-old Thurman finished giving birth to her and Busson’s daughter in New York last Sunday, than Macpherson was shamelessly flaunting her fabulous figure in a series of teensy weensy bikinis in Ibiza.

OH MY GOD SHE WORE THAT BIKINI ON PURPOSE. ON PURPOSE! Because Elle Macpherson is NEVER in a bikini…

According to the internet, Macpherson and Busson broke up in 2005. Seven years ago. So, in Ros Reines’ world, how many years after a break up does someone need to wait before they’re allowed to wear a bikini again? Eight? Thirteen? Seventy-four? I bet Reines believes that there is An Actual Feud between Angelina Jolie and Jennifer Aniston. Honey, you need to Let It Go. The people in those relationships have moved on, it’s time you did too.

And as if her knockout body wasn’t enough to send those shots ricocheting around the world, Macpherson obligingly cavorted with Jenkins with the sort of delicious grin on her face which seemed to say: “take that Uma”.

What’s the emoticon for “I’ve just read something so stupid that my eyes are buggin’ out of my head”?

You can hardly blame her as Macpherson and Busson had a long and happy relationship together with two delightful sons, Arpad Flynn Alexander, 14, and Aurelius Cy Andrea, 9, to show for it.

Well, it can’t have been too happy since the two people in that relationship decided it wasn’t working.

And so here we are, yet again, with another powerful, successful woman being defined by the men who have been in her life at some point. All of her actions are filtered through the idiotic view that she’s doing it all – even getting out of bed in the morning – simply to win him back/get back at him/get back at the woman he’s seeing seven years later/win him back from the woman he’s seeing seven years later. Oh, yawn. Wouldn’t it be nice if, just once, they changed the script?

17 responses to “Elle of a way to write a ridiculous story

  1. I read this too (oh the shame). All I could do was wonder who’d want to put their name to this rubbish. It seemed completely false, bitchy and uncalled for.

    • It’s the kind of thing journos are usually too embarrassed to put their byline on, so you get “staff writers”.

      • They might be embarrassed to put their names on it, but I cannot help thinking that looking at photos of celebrities and making up stories must be one of the easiest jobs a writer can land.

        I cannot decide whether to read this or not. I do not want to give the page an extra view.

        “So, in Ros Reines’ world, how many years after a break up does someone need to wait before they’re allowed to wear a bikini again?”

        Perhaps, one is supposed to keep track of their exes throughout perpetuity so that one can always dress complimentary to the major events of their lives.

  2. Ha! Awesome catch there. Although I think perhaps saying that Elle Macpherson shouldn’t be seen through the male gaze is something of an oversight, since her entire career is modelled on the pretence that she be attractive to men. But I do enjoy the sheer ridiculousness of trying to attribute ‘cavorting’ in a bikini to another woman’s baby, seven years after a relationship died!

    • Yes, her job requires her to be attractive (to men and women) but that doesn’t necessarily mean that everything she does when she’s not at work should be seen the same way. Although when you are A Brand, I guess it’s a bit harder to separate your work self from your private self.

      I’m still baffled by the article.

      • Siobhan Argent

        Interesting point, but people are judged by what they do all the time. The first thing that comes to mind is the Britney Spears ‘Coke v. Pepsi’ debacle, but surely there’s a supreme court judge somewhere that’s been seen cavorting in a bikini lately too?

  3. Seven year itch, she has just been waiting…

  4. Ouch, eyerolling that hard really hurts.

  5. drsusancalvin

    Poor Uma. Poor “fat” Uma. She would have been mortified. And how can she answer? Not by putting on clothes. Or taking most of them off. That’s Elle’s thing. No, Uma might have to make a movie. Yeah, Elle, a movie. That’s right, walking and talking and wearing clothes. Yeah. Take that.

  6. I tell you what: if it would take the pressure off of Uma, I will be glad to date Elle. It would be a necessary sacrifice, but hey, I am all for helping out the new mom. 🙂

  7. I see young 16 year old females who are getting out of control getting drunk/drugged & getting std’s thanks to your brand of feminism. You should hang your head in shame.

    • What utter rubbish. I do not tell people to have unprotected sex. If women are “getting drugged and getting STDs”, then why aren’t you blaming the person drugging them and giving them the STD? It’s really not that hard to understand. The only people your attitude helps are those who know that they can drug a woman and rape her and society will blame her for it. Just as you are doing. Nice work there.

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