I’m putting it in writing

I just went to the gym for the first time in ages.

It was so boring.

So just then I decided that this year I’m going to try out for roller derby.

Not like last year where in the late hours of NYE, @lozowl and I made a deal but then ignored it. (And in 2009, and in 2011 and for fuck’s sake lady just get on with it because this body ain’t gettin’ any younger.)

I need two things:

1. A pre-tryout training checklist so when I do go to the fresh meat tryouts (in September?) they’re all OH MY GOD YOU ARE THE BEST FRESHER WE’VE HAD IN AGES AND YOU SO TOTALLY CAN’T TELL THAT YOU’RE OLD ENOUGH TO COMPETE IN AUSSIE MASTERS EVENTS IF YOU WERE BEACHY AND SPORTY.

2. A really fucking awesome derby name. Go!

27 responses to “I’m putting it in writing

  1. 2. Big Nipples…sorry I couldn’t help that.

  2. Kimbarella?
    Kim Sim? (in honour of all things dumpling)?
    Kim Tam Slam! (my fave)

  3. Kim Terceptor?

  4. Hi News with nipples I have two roller derby people from Melbourne staying with me in May I think it is. Perhaps you could interview them for news with nipples – I am not sure if they would like that or not – or you could meet them at least – Wendy

  5. Hey NWN,
    There is a register – Two Evils http://www.twoevils.org/rollergirls/, but it can take up to a year to get your named registered and it’s all very formal yadda yadda and you have to do it through the league you’re with. Mine’s Scarlett Scrapple (I think it’s still there). Just a word of warning about roller derby – I did for about 18 months (I’m in my late 30s) and I had to give it away because of the injuries. It really fucked with my knees and I had bruises the size rock melons on my thighs. Not to say it wasn’t fun, but my body was just past it. If I’d been 10 years younger I would have stuck at it. I used figure skate and kick box, but even with that sporting background it was too hard on my body.

    Not that I want to put a dampener on your RD aspirations — give it go!!
    Also, I found some people just a little too intense about the whole thing.


    • Thanks for the warning. I’m ok with bruises (I bruise easily anyway) and figured this was probably my last chance to get in there before I got too old. That’s if I even get past the fresh meat stage…

  6. Love Kim Tam Slam! And best of luck! My plan is to watch the games, then my friends and I will go out roller skating/blading afterwards ๐Ÿ™‚

  7. Julia Kill-Hard. I thought that up for myself but I am too much of a wuss to ever do derby.

  8. For training: learn to slackline. Good for balance, good for ankle and leg strength, interesting and fun.

    Plus, of course, doing a lot of skating.

  9. outragedofmarrickville

    Mine was going to be Emily spank hurts

  10. BREAKING: PhD student and blogger residing in the inner west takes up roller derby. With their faith in the fundamental laws of the universe shaken, the world’s leading astrophysicists are holding a crisis summit in Geneva on the weekend to discuss if the planet earth is in fact still round.

  11. Some tips for derby prep ๐Ÿ™‚ Get really fit, the fitter you are the more energy you can put into learning skills and the less time you’ll spend rolling around puffing. Do squats until your eyeballs pop out, then do some more, you won’t regret it when you’re yelled at to ‘get lower!’. Skate lots, especially outdoors. Don’t give up, it’s always just after to want to cry with frustration that you end up getting a skill right. You’re not too old!
    The name is the hardest. Mine came to me in a dream after I’d agonized over it for MONTHS.
    GOOD LUCK!!! You’ll LOVE it! ๐Ÿ™‚

  12. Pingback: My thighs! My thighs! | the news with nipples

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