Sex and sexuality can change with age: here’s what to expect

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Despite what the media might tell you, it is possible to have healthy, exciting and highly rewarding sexual experiences as you age.

While there are indeed challenges when it comes to sex when you hit your 50s and 60s, that doesn’t mean you have to say goodbye to sexual pleasure. Rather the opposite!

For many, it’s the start of a journey to the best sexual experiences – a time to explore new things and achieve levels of intimacy and pleasure you might not have imagined.

So let’s see some of the ways you can achieve this.

There is no doubt that many people will experience hormonal changes that accompany perimenopause and menopause, resulting in lower levels of estrogen and testosterone.

Often times this can lead to a decrease in sexual desire, but it is different for everyone. You may not have the same physical prowess as your 20s, 30s, or 40s, and there are many physiological challenges that can impact your sex life as you get older.

But that shouldn’t mean hanging up on your desire or giving up what makes you happy as you approach your 50s and 60s.

Erotic educator Taylor Sparks, founder of Organic Loven, one of BIPOC’s largest online privacy shops, spends her time educating and empowering people to enjoy their most pleasurable sex lives ever. all ages.

She explains that while some people may experience vaginal dryness, loss of libido, or dyspareunia, “this is not a unique scenario. Not everyone is the same. While some may experience some of these symptoms, others may experience none. ”

And according to Sparks, there are various factors why sexual desire or pleasure changes as people age.

Estrogen levels drop during perimenopause and menopause, resulting in loss of elasticity in the vaginal wall. As a result, some people may experience dryness, which in turn can lead to pain during penetrative sex.

According to Jen, a 58-year-old woman who has been married for 25 years, “Sex with my partner was so painful after menopause that I didn’t want to worry about it anymore. Although we were very happy together, sex was getting stressful.

Jen explained that trying other things had helped her improve her intimacy with her partner and that using a lubricant helped relieve her vaginal dryness.

According to Sparks, as you get older, it takes longer to get aroused because blood takes longer to reach the genitals. This means that the sensitivity is not the same as before.

“Therefore, orgasm may take longer,” says Sparks. “The clitoris needs more stimulation, so the use of organic lubricants can improve the experience.”

“A CBD lubricant, for example, promotes muscle relaxation, blood flow, and arousal,” says Sparks. “Since it is anti-inflammatory, it can help increase blood flow to the vulva or clitoris, improve elasticity, and increase orgasm.”

Sparks continues, “Lubricants improve all sex whether or not you have vaginal dryness. It makes all sex more enjoyable, regardless of your age.

Although there are many lubricants on the market, Sparks recommends using organic products for the intimate body if possible.

“Stay away from any chemicals in that area, especially in lubricants,” Sparks says. “Most of the products on the market act as irritants; some of us older vulva owners feel the drought. But it’s the chemicals that cause drought.

“I recommend that you avoid propylene glycol, which adds to vaginal atrophy and can cause small micro-tears inside the vagina, making it vulnerable to everything, including yeast infections.”

As an all-natural privacy practitioner, Sparks also recommends avoiding glycerin, sucrose, and glucose, all of which are derived from sugar.

“When you put sugar in something dark, hot, and humid, you get yeast,” says Sparks.

Plus, she says, if you have estrogen-induced cancer, avoid using estrogen-based lubricants. Instead, try water-based lubricants that contain natural ingredients and avoid those that contain alcohol or perfumes.

“Always check the label,” advises Sparks. “If you can’t read it, leave it, and if you can’t pronounce it, it denounces it.”

There are endless ways to explore what gives you pleasure, and for many, getting older frees you from any restrictions or limitations placed on your young self. But for some, it’s not just the physiological changes that are difficult.

For example, Charlotte, who is in her 60s, explained that after the birth of her children, she had a lot of tears and stitches.

“I wasn’t as ‘cozy’ as I had been,” she explains. “It made me feel less confident, mainly as my partner called it. ”

She continues: “I felt very early on that my partner was not happy with my body as he got older. I would have appreciated a much more benevolent, gentle intimacy that took physical difficulties into account.

Continuing by saying that it was difficult to discuss sex and intimacy with anyone, Charlotte said it was difficult to even discuss it with her partner.

Sparks explains that this is a common situation for many people, adding that it is important to find a way to talk with your partner (s).

“Save room for them,” said Sparks. “Be gentle if they are not open to communication. There may be reasons for this.

Getting to know each other is a critical part of any relationship, according to Sparks.

“Find out what gives you pleasure, take time for yourself, grab a mirror and explore yourself from head to toe,” she says. “Fall in love with every inch of your body.”

“Forget about societal limitations or media-fueled narratives about how sexual you should be,” she adds. “Once you do this you can share the pleasure with whoever you want or do it alone with a dildo.”

In a society that seems focused on orgasm as a result of sex, it’s important to let go of what everyone else is thinking.

“Do whatever works for you, whatever it is,” says Sparks. “Forget what the world thinks. This is your pleasure.

Once you’re ready, talk to your partner (s) about what you like.

If you don’t know how to communicate with your partner, try to present things gently.

During one of those conversations outside the bedroom, Sparks recommends bringing it up by saying something like, “You know what I like? When you do this, this, and that. And you know what I would like even more?

Now you have more room to rediscover yourself. Take the opportunity to describe what you want as precisely as possible.

“Once you’re in bed and they’re doing what they normally do, you’ve already planted the seed for whatever you want,” she says. “Sometimes when we’re looking to get what we want, we confuse it with what we don’t like, and our partner’s approach can be, ‘You’re not doing it right! “”

The essential ?

“In the spirit of asking with grateful enthusiasm, the playful suggestions are hot,” says Sparks. “Harsh reviews are not.”

Sex and sexuality come with many complexities and subtleties. It’s more than a race to the finish – it’s about bonding and creating intimacy with your partner (s).

According to Jen, “I felt that intimacy was becoming much more important than sex. My partner and I became much closer and enjoyed our intimate moments more than ever, ”she says. “We both felt more connected.”

According to Caroline Muir, co-author of “Tantra: The Art of Conscious Loving”, tantra draws on ancient oriental teachings to deepen relationships and intimacy.

This practice involves being more attentive to your relationships with your partner (s), encouraging honesty and vulnerability to build a better base for sexual experiences.

Even better? It does not require extreme physical exertion in the bedroom.

Do your best to take time for yourself every day. Use this time to explore and enjoy whatever gives you pleasure, whatever it is.

And if you don’t know what it is yet, that’s okay! Now is the time to figure it out. Take this opportunity to redefine what sex means to you. Remember, it’s about you and your relationships.

You have a life. Live it by your rules. You deserved it.


Maighread Ni Mhaonghail is the founder and editor of Fusion magazine. His work has been published in the United Kingdom, Ireland and the United States. Currently she is based in Ireland. In 2017, she received her MA in Dramatherapy from the National University of Ireland and has worked extensively with those who use their creative platform for change. She has worked as a writer and editor for MillionAir Magazine, Lifestyle UK monthly, Flawless Magazine and Fusion Magazine.

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