Kyle Sandilands, I am laughing my arse off at you.
I am laughing at you because instead of doing the smart, media savvy thing of using your radio show to say “hey, our next tv show is going to be waaaay better”, the only thing your pathetic little brain could do was act like a petulant little child and go “waaaaah, someone reported that the audience abandoned my show and so I’m going to say rude words”.
I am laughing at you because we all know the insults you use towards women – fat, ugly, slag, troll – reveal to everyone how you think about yourself.
I am laughing at you because only someone with the sexual immaturity of a 12-year-old would use the word “titties”.
I am laughing at you because you think that acting like an arsehole makes you “controversial”. It doesn’t. It just makes you look like you’re trying really hard to be controversial and there are few things more pathetic than that.
I am laughing at you because you think that giving journos photos of yourself posing with attractive women half your age who obviously have no interest in you, makes you look cool. It doesn’t. It makes you look like you don’t have any friends who want to hang out with you.
I am laughing at you because every time I see your heavily-photoshopped face on the side of a bus stop, I point and laugh, and the strangers around me laugh at you too.
I am laughing at you because those pictures always get defaced. By other people who are laughing at you.
I am laughing at you because you’re a coward who bullies women, and every time you do it, the rest of us think that you were probably bullied in school. You were probably atomic wedgied on a daily basis. It would explain a lot. (Update: This point was to say he’s a coward and a bully and to create a mental image of Sandilands being wedgied. However, as readers have pointed out, I have sided with the bullies and laughed as they hurt someone. I have offended people and I am sorry for that. Please accept my apology.)
I am laughing at you because we all know that if you weren’t a “celebrity” then you’d never get to see a vagina.
I am laughing at you because you think that driving around talking to prostitutes makes you look cool and like you’re doing edgy tv. It doesn’t. It’s been done before – by people with talent – and so it just makes you look sad and unoriginal. Dude, it’s 2011, get with the program.
I am laughing at you because you look so uneasy in your own skin, like you expect us all to suddenly say “naah, we’re just fucking with you. We made you a celebrity as a joke and this whole time we’ve all been laughing our arses off at you because you actually believed we liked you, ha, ha, what a loser”.
I am laughing at you because you think that threatening to hunt a woman down makes you sound powerful, but it doesn’t. It makes you look like a coward who hits women.
But what I am not laughing about is that, yet again, Jackie O, who giggles as Sandilands spits his misogynist nonsense, will get off scot free. Honey, you’re just as bad as he is.
Update: Thanks to @katedoak for sending me this: “Sandilands and his co-host just laughed off a caller who answered a strange competition by suggesting a “tranny” be drugged, killed and buried”. The pair of them are fucking disgusting.